Heels and Hags

One of the reasons I have a natural disposition toward stripping is I wear high heels 95% of the time by choice. I’ve never appreciated sneakers except while on a treadmill, and I absolutely loathe the frumpy women who wear ugly commuter shoes to and from work.

Outside of stripping, I do a lot of stupid promotion jobs and other gigs that involve standing up and people are always shocked if I wear heels to those events. If the uniform requirement involves flats, my ankles start hurting a couple hours into the gig because I’m not used to much of my weight resting on my heels. I also like to think that I’m helping myself avoid the icky cankles older spider veined schoolteacher types have from putting too much weight on the back of their feet.

When stripping, the only time the super high heels can be daunting is when I pull one of those classic bend over and grab my ankles moves. I sometimes fear teetering onto my face by leaning forward so far when I’m already on my toes. At least I ain’t dealing with toe shoes here and the brand Ellie’s that specializes in stripper shoes, makes outrageously and surprisingly comfortable models.

I came across a fun blog called http://www.leveragedsellout.com/. The book based on it is called Damn it Feels Good to be a Banker, a satire about the baller lifestyle of Wall Streeters. Not only are strip clubs discussed in the book, but the author takes some time to knock on female bankers, saying they’re all overweight and try in vain to compensate at Equinox Gym. He also says they have zero sex appeal.

While, I hesitate to agree with sexism, I’ve seen some horrifyingly ugly commuter outfits at Grand Central Station. I used to do promotions there during evening rush hour and saw far too many calf length skirts combined with tennis shoes. These menopausal hags, you know, the kind that say things like “for crying out loud,” make me depressed. I briefly temped at an office predominated by such hags who exerted their jealousy of my youth and slim figure by delegating all coffee and copy making to me when it would take 2 seconds to do it themselves. Whatever helps you sleep at sexless night (and soak your sheets with night sweats) bitches.

5 Responses to “Heels and Hags”

  1. wanderlu5t Says:

    I wore commuter shoes when I interned in DC two years ago. Everyone does. I wore heels on the train for the first two weeks, and I just about died. My feet hated me. I eventually started wearing flats that matched my work attire for the commute, instead of wearing flip flops and torn up tennis shoes like so many of the fashion victims I rode with would wear. I’d rather rock heels and suffer than let the world know I don’t know how to accessorize.

    • Shayna Says:

      Agree — it’s all about finding what looks good and isn’t going to cripple you! I have bad knees stemming from a fall iin college so I have to stay away from anything more than an inch or so high (and nothing spiky unfortunately) … but I don’t do ugly (unless we’re talking about the snow boots I wear to work in the winter, and switch out of in my office… salt/snow/etc. is too gross to let touch my shoes!)

  2. M. Says:

    I’m probably far to comfortable in my uggs for someone who is only 5ft, but OMG OMG OMG those pink heels you have up: WANT!

  3. Jonathon Moxon Says:

    Mounting & Counting,

    I think I love you (so what am I so afraid of?)

  4. Delilah Says:

    I hate commuter shoes! I’ve lived in DC for three years and refuse to conform. Heels are my best friends cobble stoned streets and marble halls of Capitol Hill be damned.

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