Archive for November, 2012

Douchiest Lines I’ve Gotten Pt I

November 5, 2012

“Eres tan fea. No me gustas.”


“Where’s (super-skinny colleague)?”

“She’s not here tonight.”

“Oh, well I prefer small girls; you’d crush me to death.”

(Above two both resulted in tossed drinks.)


“I’m good on a dance for now. I wanna check the inventory first.”


Customer assuming sex occurs in champagne room: “$300 for the VIP is soooo not worth it, can you do better?”


“They don’t show pussy on the stage? That’s some buuuul-sheeet.”


Various customers mulling over a second lap dance:

“I’ll buy another if you show me your pussy/slip your nip in my mouth.”

“What do I get for this one?”

“Weeell…’ve gotta sell me on it. Come on, convince me!”

“Oh, I thought that was just one dance.” (after I explicitly say time’s up on dance #1 4 minutes prior.)

“Oh, I thought those dances were just for fun.”


“A diet coke? I’m not paying $15 for your drink unless you get a real drink.”


“I’m going to Afghanistan in two days; what’ll $50 get me?” (this guy clearly expects “any-ting he wants” at today’s equivalent to $10 after accounting for inflation since the Vietnam War.)


Non-verbal, abrasive shooing motion before I’m within three feet; occured way too much a few shifts ago.


Non-verbal look of disdain at my presence before I can so much as say hi or introduce myself. Sometimes accompanied by looks between two guys, as if they’re catty high school girls.


Another pet peeve is customers having conversations about politics, literature and other highbrow topics between themselves, explicitly discluding me, let alone soliciting and appreciating my input.

I’m not updating enough lately! I’m back at it in New Orleans since a couple weeks and change ago. I had a two-night stand with a hot bachelor my first night back (yes you can judge me) and I’m nervous about election day.