I’m having roommate issues with my friend. It’s worked out well on and off for nearly a year, but he’s driving me nuts lately.
I just got home after 4AM and popped a frozen dinner in because I was starving. He opened his bedroom door and shot me a look of death for making noise (I tried to keep very quiet, but the stupid microwave obviously makes the loud beeping noises when you set it.)
I fully respect the frustration that waking him up can cause. But he does a disproportionate amount of complaining about my misdeeds, as if it’s not a two way street. He’s a gay guy and pretty fussy about some shit, and he’s emotionally high maintenance. We are close friends and he got me a couple sweet, personal Christmas gifts. But I swear he displays his own bipolar tendencies; warm and fuzzy one day, seething over trivial things the next.
He told me about a really good program for first time home buyers here in New Orleans and I’m planning to go for it within 6-12 months (if only I could do it immediately!) The program is for low to moderate income individuals and it doesn’t have the “handout” vibe, particularly because it doesn’t require you’re living at, or barely above, the poverty level.The income cap is probably a tad less than what I make, but I’m going to work with my accountant to try and keep me under that maximum while filing for 2013; in the next few days, I’ll be getting my total bank deposits for the year from both my banks, so here’s hoping! I had a slow summer, which might actually save me from exceeding the maximum.
I don’t plan to live in New Orleans year-round forever, but I know real estate is a solid way to invest; especially for someone as clueless about stock trading as I am. I also plan to buy a second place in Western New York down the road, where I would live in the summer time, because they go for 50-60K there; insane!
I’m quite elated that being a homeowner is on my realistic radar; some of the perks of the program here are not factoring in credit (I’ve been trying to improve my scores/reports) and they give you money for taking classes about buying homes; not loan, GIVE. Up to 10K.
I don’t want anomosity with my friend. To name a few moves he’s pulled, he got mad I “broke” plans to drink champagne and eat nice pizza from Domenica restaurant on our roof for New Year’s, but I was SLAMMED making close to 2K! I can’t quit while I’m ahead like that to preserve his feelings, and I know he had other plans, too. Plus, he said “no pressure” about keeping those plans, knowing it would be an important work night for me.
He gets a bit shady about money. Last month, for the first time, he couldn’t make his share of rent; the rent is 1160 between us, and he was a whopping 500 short on his part. I’ve been a contractor and I know cash flow can be a problem with that source of income. I had many a day pre-stripping where I’d anxiously check the mailbox for payments that were late in coming. But there was no gratitutde or humility when I spotted him the money, during a week I wanted to send my profits to the IRS for taxes I still owe, which are rapidly accumulating interest.
I saw a late rent notice under his door when he wasn’t home and his reply was “don’t read my notices.” I was just trying to alert him it was a problem and he had a $100 late fee. This was sprung on me the 10th or 11th of December, not the 3rd, 4th, 5th or some reasonable “still early in the month” date. And I somewhat resent his not having his financial act together; he does the stereotypical gay guy thing of living it up and having an active social life while diverting money that’s supposed to cover basic needs. I’ve made decisions about money that were more about “live in the moment” then having a six figure retirement account. But NEVER without being sure I had rent and basic bills covered first.
We had a heated chat today and I said, “I haven’t forgotten I owe you some rent after the $500 we counted from last month. Just please tell me if you have it paid, if you’re good for the money, and if it’s going to be an issue again.” And he snapped at me for having the audacity to blatantly imply I’d help again if he was short, instead of have him need a huge loan on almost no notice again. I’m a planner by nature and need to plan my own fucking finances according to whether he has his shit better together now; it’s not fair for him to yell at me for preemptively anticipating a problem and another loan from me, when it’s already the fucking 4th of the month now.
He’ll complain I’m “mean to him” and “selfish” and loves to use emotional blackmail as leverage. He’s overanalyzing like a friggin’ female, becuase I’m not that bad to him at all. He guilt trips me and nickles and dimes me for free Braid Paisley tickets etc, but also eats my frozen dinners and soups with no acknolwedgement or offer of repayment. He explicitly said he’d “revenge eaten” some of my food a few weeks ago. Revenge for WHAT? Existing? I hate when people, like my roommate from Queens over the summer, have no money and NEED you to make rent, but resent your presence in their house.
I told him I feel safter and more comfortable having a roommate. I lived alone for a year in Boston, and there were moments I felt suicidal and unsafe. Not to mention if something happens where I feel physically ill, I want to ask him for help or to call an ambulance. One day, I was dizzy and throwing up like mad and thought something was wrong, so I was able to yell out to him. Instead of getting trigger happy calling an ambulance, having someone around to watch over me on the mend is a nice option.
When I buy a house, I’ll want someone staying with me. I already offered a friend from Boston who just moved down here to bartend and stay indefinitely.I’d let select dancers I trust to crash, since some of them pay for hotels every night and I’d probably get a watchdog.
In any case, the vibe is a little negative in my apartment, but it’s SO fucking close to Bourbon, and sacrificing the location would be the biggest con. But I blew so much money on rent in Boston last year, $1900 per month and my landlord was a real cuntbag who didn’t maintain the place, and even implied I’d been spotted doing a “drug deal” in the hallway. After nearly 12 months of silence, she produced a laundry list of ‘neighbor complaints” right before leases’ end, which of course, was leverage to withhold my security deposit and make me feel like the culprit. I’m eager to be a homeowner, but it’s a daunting undertaking. Exciting, though. I’m a 29 year old stripper whose never once had a long term boyfriend and isn’t interested in having kids, so the only thing I can be proud of, besides upgrading my career, is having a home, the house that dry humping built.