First, fuck the Super Bowl. It’s a sore subject. The actual game day, I only made $700 and the crowd sucked. The previous two days, I was relegated to day shift and my damn body failed to have adequate energy to stay on for night shift, losing me thousands of dollars. They sold 30 VIP rooms Friday night and I was originally scheduled that shift until I got in trouble. I figure my mental and physical well being should take priority over money, but the timing really sucked and my impulsive decision to blatantly leave with a customer and expect my managers to magically understand it was nothing solicitary kicked my ass. I was at the point of crying, trying to find coke for energy, and yelling at people out of frustration.
I contributed to aTimes Picayune piece about the Super Bowl as an interviewee using “Autumn” as my name, so check it out!
I also finally contributed to the stellar collaborative sex worker blog “Tits & Sass” here, something I’ve meant to do for over a year.
In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t stick strictly to the topic of stripping here. I think mental health and substance abuse issues go hand in hand with sex work, anyhow, but it’s funny how evident my bipolarity is, seeing as my posts are mostly suicidal or euphoric in tone without much in between.
I was happy to hear about Roberrt De Niro showing his emotional side to Katie Couric while discussing Silver Linings Playbook (minute 29 of the video.)
I made it clear to my family (the ones I speak with) that I was eager to see that movie the minute I saw the trailer. Of course, after viewing, my Gramma and cousin looked to me in that cautiously awkward way to ask if I thought it was “accurate.”
Sure. They portray Pat as a bit precious and infantile, allowing for comic relief, but as the film’s actors and director say to Couric, it’s a movie that starts a conversation about mental health that can whittle away at stigma. The interviewees speak openly about being “close” to bipolar people, but only Ted Kennedy’s son admits openly to his diagnosis.
Last week, I was on Twitter, and Tera Patrick, the porn star, was Tweeting that she never had a diagnosis or took meds for mental health issues. However, I read her book Sinner Takes All, which says otherwise. In fact, I read the opening of the book, when she’s being admitted to a psych ward, while being admitted to a psych ward. It was somewhat beautiful timing. In the book, she says she was diagnosed as bipolar and felt, at the time, like the diagnosis explained a lot. She didn’t go into detail about medication, but said she spent a long time in AA, eventually settling into a healthy relationship with moderate drinking. I respect that and she has fun rants on Twitter if you follow her (very fan friendly); I just think she’s going back on her word (due to stigma?)
Living a life free of meds is great and I struggle with people wanting me to “comply” to medication regimens I’m not a fan of, namely, my stepmom, who is a nurse, and very brainwashed by the medical system.
My new, soon to be former, shrink in Boston, doesn’t like the three drugs I take; Lamictal (which I admit doesn’t do shit), Klonopin and Trazodone. She wants me on all the zombie, fat people pills like Depakote, Seroquel and Lithium. And it ain’t gonna happen. Sorry.
I heard Dave Grohl talked shit about Britney Spears for being a zombie on Chelsea Lately and thought, “dude, you dealt with Kurt Cobain; you should understand that Britney, like him, is dealing with some shit, and much like court-ordered AA meeting attendance, she can regain control of her life by taking whatever meds are making her the bloated zombie she’s become.” People think pills are the be-all, end-all and I can all but guarantee Britney will enjoy making her own decisions and expanded custody rights if she is arbitrarily compliant. My foreign friends find American pill culture shockingly overzealous. They don’t pump high schoolers full of ADHD stimulants to boost their numbers overseas and parents will reconsider sending their kids abroad if access to ADHD treatment is too limited. Just look at private school review boards; whether or not ADD treatment is available is among the five first things listed about a school.
In other news, I’ve resorted to signing up for Sugar Daddy websites. I really don’t want to go down the sex for money road, but my strategy is to arrange dinner and drink dates under the conditions they have to bring me a gift or money instead of getting the “free trial” date. I’ve tried those sites before, and you mainly get cheap hooker lookers. It’s hard to ask for money without either putting out or meeting face to face first, so wish me luck! Most of those dudes want a freebie first date, but if I’m selling TIME, which is legal (not sex) I should be compensated!
**PS, pardon the errors contained in this post; my crappy computer, combined with an awkward new WordPress format are trying my patience.